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June 18th, 2003

10:49 pm
aaron: im going to bed
aaron: call me tommorow
aaron: I LOVE YOU!!
aaron: feel better
aaron: :-*


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10:31 pm
welp. today was 'kickass' until my parents turned gay on me.

Diana and I woke up in chelseas basement around nine to find leah and chelsea are fat asses and slept upstairs.Well we sat around and ate what chelsea's mom hadn't hid from us....i took a shower with leah and chels, and cleaned her whole fuckin house and played with her still-drunk-at-11-in-the-morning-brother hahahah. finally, around two dianas mom came and got us. We first stopped at my mom's work so i could bum her credit card off of her and then dianas mom dropped us off at the mall. yeah, so joey met us up at the mall and we spent SEVEN fuckin hours there. yeah talk about a LONGGG day...especially with joey there...lol no jus kiddin, i had fun with him. I actually got alot of good shit for 100 dollars...around 9ish brad picked us up (of course) and took us all back to jason's(of course) where sean and jason were. we hung out there for about a half hour where i showed everyone what i got and jus fucked around. then i invited ryan arbour over since he lives near by and he came over and then my parents are fucking retarded and i got in a fight with them on the phone and they fucking made me come home yeah i was so pissed and i was crying really hard and i just wanted to kick myself and them in the face so bein such a pussy. i was so pissed off. so yeah brad dropped me off at home around 10:15 where i fought with my parents more. damnit. ahhhhhh im so pissed. oh well. im over it, it's summer... i don't care. more fun tomorrow.

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June 17th, 2003

11:10 pm
wow today has been so fucking awesome. this whole summer has been awesome. Cristie, Diana, Leah and I woke up around 12 and leah and diana had to leave for dianas mom's work so me and cristie just hung out and went in my hot tub...tho it seemed like a COLD tub..so we ran back inside and took a bath where cristie made me loose my bet! DAMN YOU! haha anyway, uhhhh around like 2 amanda came and got us and cristie and i went to her house. we just sat around trying to make fuckin plans i watched her pack for FL. uhhhh finally we made plans....so i walked up to IGA by myself and graham, aaron, and brett came and picked me up. then i paid him five extra dollars to go get andrew so graham dropped me and aaron off at dodge park and him and brett went and picked up andrew. after the got back we went back to the purple forest and played and watched the guys throw stix at eachother and pretend to be boy scouts. i swear, their the funniest people EVER. a little while later, we went to go swing on the swings when we saw brodie, al, junior, jason chelsea and kirk n sean. then we made ryan (arbour) get his lazy ass up there... soo while the guys did they're usual thing me brett and junior swang on the swings and i took pictures. we then just walked around some more until about 7 when cristie diana leah and brad showed up. we went back to the purple forest again and i tried beating up junior like 2450845 times but it didnt work. then i nailed andrew in the face with a bottle cap so that was sweet. then i tried bumming ryans sucker off him but that didn't work either. so uhhh then we all walked up to 711 and got a ton of food and saw derek renolds and i was suprised he knew who i was....haha..he's cute, and then they drove away listening to barbie girl..hahaha.....thennnnnnnnnnnnn we got junior in the trunk and went back to dodge park then we went to leah's and my house where me and brad had a lot of fun jus bein stupid and jammin in the car. uhhhhhhhhh we then went and picked chelsea and jason's asses up and went back to jasons.....where EVERYONE came back to his house and i sat with kirk while he played with my hair and i like fell asleep and i spit like awhole bag of sunflower seeds on his fat dog hahaha it was so funny. and brodie lit my pants on fire twice and al claims that couches are fuckin awesome. oh yeah...all the "couples" had turns fuckin in jasons room...brad brought me leah diana and chelsea back to chelseas around 11. ecaep.

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12:04 am
wow today has been a very eventful day. Leah and I woke up at cristies around 11. Cristie was at poms so we just went straight to laying out. We didnt get to layout very long because they're we're killer bees eating our faces. Leah and I then made a bet to see who could become more dirtier (not taking showers) haha. Around one amanda leah and i went to northern to pick up cristie and saw al dale and brodie on the way. After we picked up Cristie we went back to cristies for about an hour. Later, Jason and Chax came and picked us up and dropped us off at the beach. Jason was nice enough to stay there with us. We then walked back to Chelsea's so jason could retrieve something but they weren't there so we headed back down to the beach. We talked with Rachel Kyle Chaz and chelsea for about ten minutes then leah cristie jason and i headed down to boy scout point. About a half hour later we went back to chelseas for about 15 mins then Leah Cristie and I walked up to Kmart to eat. Later on i forced my mom to come get us. We sat around at my house for awhile until about 5:30 when leah had to leave to go out to dinner with diana and her sister, so while they we're gone me and cristie went to Dan's house. It was a nice time.

::nicole sits next to me::
"Hey do you think this would hurt?"
"Oh, it kinda hurt my lip."

hahaha. Around 8:30ish Cristies mom picked us up and took us back to my house. We just sat around some more until diana and leah got here around 10:15. About 10:30 we snuck out of my house and brad came and got us. We played in brad's basement and i beat cristie 30484598 times and we danced until about 11:45. Then these hotties decide they feel like scarin the shit out of themselves and had a bright idea to go to the purple forest (dodge park), yeah so did i mention you're not allowed to go to dodge park past 10 and it's about 11:45 now so we had to go back in forth from the entrance like three times because they're a bunch of cops around so finally we drove in really fast. Yeah so it's fuckin pitch black, can't see you're hand infront of you're face...me and cristie were too scared to get out of the car but finally we did. We parked someone and walked around for awhile. It was really fucking scary and all of asudden brad and wojtke started running soo the dumbasess that we are we start running after them. lol so find out that they just "felt like running" hhaa so anyway we came back to my house about 12:00 and here i am..didn't get caught. so yeah. later kids.

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June 15th, 2003

12:38 am
so yeah after all this time spent with ryan...thinking i had something 'special' with him..., BULLSHIT. Seriously it fucking pisses me off and i know i'm being so gay about this but im sorry.. I know he supposably likes both of us but i don't know how to respond to spending time with him and then coming home to an entry saying "went to eriks, layed and talked with ryan." damn, it made me feel like S-H-I-T. i don't understand guys, their all full of bullshit, but then again i get so worked up over them. fuckin sifhw3ur90u4325r sf ahhhh!!!!!!!!! someone please tell me weather ryan's just an asshole or im just a fuckin retard who doesn't know anything about guys.

anyway. sat around with cristie all day being lazy. watched American History X, went online every 2 seconds, made noodles, then went to my house to get 'stuff' then headed off to naids. From naids we went to britts party. It was realllly fun, there were like 4597340542 people. I was really proud of my self because i went in the hot tub. hahhaa, i don't like getting nakie infront of men. not really naked, but you know. brittany also had this big blow up thing, it was swankity doo. haha. well i have to get up really early tomorrow morning so i shouldn't be online, so i made brad drive me home at midnight and here i am.

well guys suck. i got to talk to joey though so that's good.

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June 13th, 2003

09:15 pm - FIBNE
swank. thats what today has been. i havent done much but i've still been havin fun. this mornin leah had to leave tiffanys so me cristie and tiff walked to cristies. we atelike a whole bag of sunflower seeds on the way there and me and cristie put turbans and babooshka's on. when we got to cristies we just layed around trying to make plans. we were gonna go meet up with junior but that didnt happen. uhh i danced to a little nsync for tiff and cristie and put on a spandex suit and started the filiming of "heathers dance grooves." cristie was on the phone with dan alot so i locked her out of the house for about an hour. i threw her really hott shoes to wear and i got her water when she was good, it was real funny. around 6ish tiff had to go home so meand cristie went in the bathroom and cristie shaved her arms and mine and then we put cream in our buttholes and our weeners. then cristie decides to put really dark foundation and PAINT all over my face so ilooked like a black whore and i put on cristies red spandex suit and took pictures with diana's phone and sent them to everyone and video taped me being hott. Then diana n tiffany came overand we made thongs and bra's out of masking tape and took more pictures. (yes we're perverts) Later, we came back downstairs and watched a little of mary-kate and ashley movies and i played this awesome song about camel toes for cristies mom and everyone else that was over.good times. it's 9:22 and uhh we're jus waitin for brad to get here....i dont think were gonna do much more tonight but trash house hjahaahah later

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10:10 am
wow things have been real fun lately uhhhh yesturday was the last fuckin day of school yeah it was cool and really fun and the teachers did a record mime for us it was really funny but uhh yeah alot of people were crying but i didnt so uhh i dunno why.....after school i had to be sneaky and sneak into his car when archer wasn't looking so he could take me to ryans. so he drove me to ryans house and i stayed there from 11-4 and i had a blast. i always end up having fun with him, so yeah it was a good time. uhhhhh at 4 i made brad come get me and i went back to brads house. cristie diana leah tiffany kirk junior david mike wojtek alex bob dommy brodie al dan kyle garrett...and a whole lotta other people were over there and we just messed around and i yelled at mike yonish and threatend to kick his ass even tho he ended up kicking mine. god that kids sooo weird. then i like had my hand on the back on dianas big chair and brad came by and tripped me so i fell backwards and took diana with me so i ended up on the floor with a huge chair and diana on top of me yeah it was pretty funny....then a lot of people left and then we made brad take us to the movies....and we saw 2 fast 2 furious and met chelsea justine rachel kyle emily megan and some other hotties their and had dirty fun with them actually me and megan hung out outside ofthe movie the whole time and we ate like 298045 things of popcorn and also 3404957 frozen cokes...then megan kept farting infront of little kids and then she pissed her pants..hahahh it was soooo funny. then we saw brett and i tryed to bum money off him but it didnt work yeah then we left with brad at like 10ish and drove around, took naid home, went and picked up jason then me cristie and leah came back to tiffanys. well the loser that i am, i ended up fallin asleep early and ryan called while i was sleeping and cristie had to be a jerk to him and call him fat and hang up.haha, i dont really care tho. so i dunno whats up today...latttterrr.

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June 11th, 2003

09:29 pm
alot of people can hide heart breaks and being upset by just laughing it off but thats soemthing i can't do i can just sit at my computer and complain like i've been doing lately, istill feel pretty shitty,...i feel shitty that im no longer the only one he likes i feel shitty because im being so selfish and i don't even like him as much as i thought im pissed off because tomorrow is the last day and im not ready for it to be over im pissed off because i blew off my friends for some guy and i know once i get to ryans i might regret going over there im going to miss my friends and wonder what they're all doing at the beach but oh well it was my decission and everything happens for a reason thats one statement i always think of and it usually makes me feel better becaues things happen for the best ya know. i feel like a little pussy sitting here complaining but oh well you're the one that's reading it, josh and andrew hav been jerks lately, tho im sure they haven;t i just intrepet what they're saying into something bad i don't feel as close to them as i did no more i love you's from andrew and no more what's up gorgeous's from my bestestestest friend i miss u man. i think right now is a time when some friendships are going to get alot stronger which i have already noticed and also some are going to become weaker which i have also noticed, im scared for high school, yeah i am...but then again i can't fucking wait. i want to meet new people i want to be introduced to my future best friend and boyfriend and teachers and life. i may not be ready but no matter what, it's coming.

natalie baby im going to miss you, we might not be that close but i can say that we;ve never even talked before this year and i love you and i love listening to all you're little stories you always have for me and helpin me out imma miss you baby.

fucking fuckidfkshjdf dsfkdf my plans are all screwed up for tomorrow damnit.

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04:37 pm
i feel aweful horrible used shitty every possible feeling that could ever be felt i feel that. god damn how did i let this fucking happen. god why did i think he ever liked me that anything would ever happen betwen us i have the worst fucking lluck with guys andi fuckign hate it wat the hells wrong with me yeah so i find out that ryan likes heather gordiner yeah what the hell why didnt i know this why did he let me come over if he didnt even like me god i feel like ass right now its not even a big deal but im a fucking idiot and making it a big deal because im fuckign sick of everyguy i like, not liking me this fucking sucks. JESUS CHRIST, why can't i find a fucking guy that likes me the way i like him and doesnt want to just fuck me. dammit.

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June 9th, 2003

08:15 pm
today was boring boring boring we got our retarded yearbooks which were retarded as hell and i look like a fuckin baboon...yeah SWEET, after school brad picked me leah chelz and tiffany up and took them to leah's and me to ryans. i accidently told brad something i shouldn't of and he started driving really fast and it scared me. i had a REALLY good time at ryan's, he's so weird. all of a sudden he just stood up and chose a randompair of pants from all the clothes on the floor, folded them, and then threw them back on the ground, i swear that kid has like add or some shit. anyway,..i came home around 6:30ish and i've done absolutly nothing and im bored as hell and i miss andrew very very much i dont know why. and i really wannna play with joey..

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June 8th, 2003

09:06 pm
well well well, only three and a half more days. i can say i can't wait to get out of that shit hole, which would be the truth...but i don't know if im ready for a new school. it's kind of scary. but i hate chs so i don't know what im talking about. high schools going to be different.

well tomorrow i'm off to ryans and then tuesday im going to record mimes, wednesday i have nothing,thursday is our last day which im seeing cristie jr aaron joey and whoever else, and friday vikki invited me to a party which i want to go to but i'm not sure about yet. thing's have been pretty weird. i'm so tired i can't sleep too.

i'm changing my mind like crazy. i think i like someone else. damn. i shouldn't but i do. i had a nice conversation with cristie tonight about dan and ......others. it was good. im so tired and i forgot why i updated so im going to shut up. i shouldn't sign ejar so i'll just stick with jar. i love my andrew, and joey.

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07:01 pm
im getting myself all excited l ol im n a really good mood for no reason and im really excited. i get to play with my honey and jr and aaron and joey and whoever else and have a study date with my love andrew...

Me: i'd do anything to hold you in my arms
Cristie: ur sick

well hah, what can i say?

LILPIMPER1769 (7:03:30 PM): am i a funny joke

sorry for always putting what people say in here, just some people really get me excited and my panties in a bunch. te he he.

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05:55 pm
i feel really shitty right now. i feel like i'm missing out on something. a big something. i'm so jealous of everything possible and i don't know what's wrong with me. i'm so jealous i missed out on the "best party of the year" which i wasn't really invited too, but i still had fun with other people that i would've rather been with anyway, and supporting erik and ryan. im jealous that everyone's seen finding nemo and i havent lol. i really don't know wat's wrong, i really feel like im missing out on something. lately i've been wishing that i could be with a certain guy but whenever i try to figure out who it is..i can't. i know that sounds weird, but i'm really confused right now. i miss the feeling of knowing someone out their loves you.

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04:17 pm
'gina loversCollapse )

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01:59 pm - i have an eye patch and my dads blind.
aloha my slave.

friday was oak edge...(cedar point) it was real fun. i don't feel like goin into details so lets leave it at that. Yesturday me and cristie just flipped out all day and yelled at eachother about our plans that we couldn't figure out. finally, we ended up going to jason's with leah and chelsea. around 7 i walked up to the deli wherre erik and ryan were playin and met aaron and junior up there. we played a little frisbee and went bakc in the woods where i took some good pictures, with my high-tech disposable camera. about an hour later emily and naid showed up, then cristie chelsea leah and joey....later on....scott scott matt sam, brad jason al brodie and man a whole lotta other people. it was a lot of fun actually and we stayed until like 10:30 watchin the band and jus hangin out outside, played a little more frisbee. we spent the night at chelseas. this morning we got up and danced to techno in chelseas room and my fantasies for becoming an exotic dancer started to show hahhahaha. we played a little hide and go seek ebcause we're idiots and some people don't know how to play and hid outside..wtf. yeah ok. uhhh...i got in a fight with josh today because he's a retard and doesnt know what he's talking about, that was cool, but things are fine now. aaron's such a joke...

NorthernDictator: my bow needs holding
NorthernDictator: it misses you
NorthernDictator: its addicted
NorthernDictator: it needs you

weird. brad and leah are going out. yippity skippity.haha.

thaladyysmon (1:59:17 PM): r u on speed?

hmm. i'm going to go now.

"what's goin on..HOT STUFF" sixteen candles, best movie ever.

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June 4th, 2003

09:30 pm
yeah so today i got to go in late because i'm sexy and yeah ive actually been havin a great time n art tho mrs cerp hates me hhaha after school omg it was the fucking funniest thing EVER...me cristie n diana stayed after..and there were these 7th graders standing outside by themselves with all their backpacks and instruments, and we were the only other people out there..and then they walked inside, and as soon as they left we grabbed all of there stuff besides there music book..and hid it behind this big thing and then we ran inside to the bathroom like peeing our pants, and then as we walked out there were like standing inside with this confused look on there face and holding there music book and like looking for someone who took it, so we ran out the back door and we ran to diana's mom's car, and the girls told the hall monitor so she like walked up to diana's moms car and we quickly drove away, haha it was pretty funny....then we went to naids and then her new house which im so fucking jealous of...anyway, i had my choir concert and it went really good and my day described it 2 or 3 times as "tight" and i swear to god if he ever uses the term "tight' in my presence again i will slap him. anyway, im glad that there's two parties this saturday, robbies,and roses (brittanys is changed to nex. sat) and i wasnt invited to either. yeah. sweet. later.

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June 2nd, 2003

08:42 pm
New Kids on the Block, sucked a lot of dick
Boy/girl groups make me sick
And I can't wait 'til I catch all you faggots in public
I'ma love it.. (hahaha)

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08:37 pm
_____ Heather
Heather is _____.
If I were alone in a room with Heather I would _____.
I think Heather should _____.
Heather needs _____.
I want to _____ Heather
Heather can _____ my _____.
Someday Heather will _____.
Heather reminds me of _____.
Without Heather _____.
Heather can be _____.
_____ is how I describe meeting Heather.
Worst thing about Heather is _____.
Best thing about Heather is _____.
I am _____ Heather.

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08:22 pm - computer sux
i'm sick of writing what i did that day. i've been bitchy lately, that i can say. i saw brad's new puppy today, it's absolutly adorable. Saw some pictures of anemarie, she's so hott, along with rachael and brittney. i came home and cleaned the house. Tomorrow is Alice's birthday. Wednesday and Thursday i get to sing for choir, Friday is Cedar point,Saturday is brittanys party, Next friday is Leah's party, and Sat is my road trip. our new neighboor fixed all our computer problems. saw girls humping eachother on a boat. the new girl came, her name is alex and shes really pretty.
i kinda like this guy. Only a few people know, but im not sure im ready to let anyone else know or even him. i dont think its the right time. I'm not usually the one to like keep the guy i like a big secret, but...oh i dont know. I hardly know him. But eh, i like him :)

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June 1st, 2003

08:13 pm

Erik: yippi
Me: what
Erik: whats up*

::me playing with eriks elbow fat::
Me: hehehe
Erik: just call me stretch armstrong
Me: hahhhahaha
Erik: yeah my penis is just like this too
Me: ::runs away::

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07:08 pm - bizzounce
aloha my love.these past two days have been alright, nothing out of the ordinary. yesturday me and cristie layed around all day and watched gummo, dazed and confused, and CONEHEADS!!Haha, we were lazy asses, and it was a shitty day. Later on we went to the movies with Brad, and Joey. I thought about putting some moves on cristie during the movie but she put them on me first. Afterwards, we just came back to cristies and did some stuff then slept. This morning i had to leave around twelve to go to my grandmas. I got to play with Savannah and heard about how my stupid ass cousins stole money from my aunt and uncle and lied about it. Let me add that their in 4th and 6th grade. I got home around three and just hung out with myself and went on the computer like ALWAYS. around 5ish Junior came over and got me and interrupted my eating of Triscuits....and i went over to josh's where andrew aaron brent will simon and some other kid were. I just hung out for while and then i ran home to change out of my hott orange shorts then i went back. A few mintues after i got back, jr brent and the other kid left. I watched the guys play basketball, uhmmm i can't remember quite why, but me and andrew made up this story and told courtney about it and she fell for it. We said that we were going out and that we had kids and we were getting married soon. and to prove it we had to kiss, we made up as many excuses we could to not do it but courtney wouldn't go inside until we did. so uhm, with everyone watching, we did. uhmm yeha it got pretty fucked up tho considering i thought it was just a kiss and andrew thought we were going to make-out. haha.
Me and Aaron played with eachothers reflex's in our knees and then will made weird faces and yelled things really loud. I swear, their the weirdest people i know. I got home around 7ish. a

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May 30th, 2003

07:43 pm
uhm so today was normal i guess its been pretty well so far actually, we got to pick our groups for point cedar and uhhhhh after school me chelsea naid and leah walked to bk and brad and jason came and got us uhhmmm then we just went back to brads until like 4 45 we just played around actuaally it was a pretty fun time but brad had to go to work so he took us to jason's but ended up jasons mom was home(which she actually wasnt) so he just dropped jason off and leah off at her house and took me naid and chelsea.i had a nice time at fan's too. it was really fun. we made a band...well me chelz n nate did cuz diana was watching some retarded movie yeah and i got to sing and dance and then chelsea left me to watch the movie so i kicked ethans ass yeah like 3 times and one time i hit my head on this speaker lol so that wasnt good uhhmmm haha ethan like hit my stomache and like an hour later i realize it was bleeding haha so around 6ish we had to leave so we went up to 7-11 and then around 715 chelseas bro came and got us, toook diana home and now im at chelseas ecaep

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May 28th, 2003

09:02 pm
sorry for putting this in here, but i thought this was the funniest thing ever.

Me: what havvvvee you done?
Ryan: absotivly nuthin
Me: absotivly?
Me: that's not even a word silly
Ryan: yes it is
Me: you combined positivly and absolutly!!
Ryan: im an idiot

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08:37 pm
today was the poms clinic and i really liked the coach she was adorable. but i compeltly embarrassed myself, i can't do any of those little ballet moves, i've never even heard of most of them. i was about to cry and i just wanted to run out of there. everyone was so good and i had no idea what i was doing. i kept thinking, im not coming back i can't embarass myself like this...but i know i shouldnt quit, i shouldn't give up...this is something i want more then anything in this world, and i know im not trying hard enough. fuck, what do i do.

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May 27th, 2003

09:10 pm
my mom is an idiot. ihate her.

it all started from a stupid fight over a fucking phone bill.

it came out to be almost 200 dollars. i didnt know what to say or do, so i gave her all of my money i had saved up for california, which wasn't much. i sat in my room for about an hour just crying because i felt like such an idiot. i felt bad for her. i just hated myself and couldn't believe myself. a while later i got back on the computer and she called me upstairs.i started crying once she started yelling i kept telling her to stop but she wouldnt. i locked myself in the bathroom but she got in and kept asking what i was doing and i kept saying nothing and she just kept saying "oh bull shit!" i kept going from room to room and she kept following me like someone from a scary movie. i grabbed a phone and called cristie, thinking i could go over there until my mom made me get off the phone and told me i couldnt leave. i locked myself in my bedroom and called my grandma and told her to come get me. i sat by my window for about twenty minutes just staring outside with my dog thinking of how i would get my bag down there. i thought of throwing it out the window but i didnt know how that would go. a few minutes before my grandma got there my mom came in and was being all nice. as soon as my grandma pulled in my drive way i grabbed my bag and walked out. my mom was like where are you going and i was like im leaving and shes like ohhh no you're not so i ran downstairs and put my shoes on and then she started grabbing me and iwas like don't touch me and i ran outside and my grandma was at the door and i guess she talked to my mom so i ended up coming to my grandma's anyway. so here i am. feeling like an idiot. i don't know whats going to happen but i'm scared. now that i sit here and read this, it's so dumb. i got so worked up over NOTHING. i'm the idiot.

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01:38 pm
aloha my love. things have been alright. yesturday me and leah went to the mall and met up with jordan and bob and got money for them to go to the antiflag concert then me and leah bought some stuff then went to get our ears pierced again and bob jordan cristie and amanda came along. uhh afterwards we came back to my house and bob and jordan came over. uhhh we played around at keith n stuff and then me and leah were suppose to spend the night at dianas but then we couldnt so we had no where to go but then we jus spent the night at leah's. it was a nice time because i never get to hang out with leah just me n her...omg igotta story..it probably doesnt seem that funny but u had to be there...
ok so i went into this dressing room to change my shirt i had bought earlier and i had already been in their for atleast 5 mins just geting it on and theni went to open the door and it wasl ike fuckin stuck. i was like jingling the handle and pushihng and puling and making all this noise and their we;re like people out there wondering wtf i was doing and then i whispered LEAH...LEAH!! and she wasnt answering and i finally got it open and she was standing out their like peeing her pants. lol it was so funny...anyway yeah im at leahs and im wearing yellow pants and i got to play with andrew the other night.

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May 25th, 2003

03:11 pm
whew this weekend has been sooo great so far...

alright, friday was a 1/2 day so a TON of us walked to biffs and made fun of mr. hyland and leah's ass grabbing and ate and shit. then we walked over to wojtek's and their was like a million people their too. uhm me and megan had sex in wojteks boat and then tired playing basketball with the men. around two me emily megan tiffany leah and cristie all went back to tiffanys. then leah emily and cristie went back to cristies because they didnt want to go to the fair with us so just me megan and tiffany went to the fair. their wasnt too many people there but andrew josh ryan and aaron told us to meet them up there so we did and i just played mary poppins with josh's umbrella and then they were gay so we went and talked to some other people and i met this really hott guy named ryan that tiffany knew. he's so sexy. around 830 we left and picked up leah and cristie and emily decided to go to greg's instead so that was sweet. anyway we came back to tiffany's around 9ish and we wanted to play with jason and brad so they came and got us and took us to jeff's house. uhmm me and cristie played with naked barbies and all of his sisters fun toys. then brad went and got us some great pizza. uhhhmmm around 11 brad and jason took us back to tiffany's and tho her parents were home we snuck them inside. uhh i fell asleep pretty early but i still knew what was going on because i was only like 1/2 sleeping. uhmmm i got to witness leah and brad's making out and might i add it was pretty sick. haha i haven't heard someone make out with so much noise. hahaahaa. uhmm cristie and megan danced around in their underwear and it was just a fun night. alot more happened but it won't be written. the guys left around 5 in the morning.

saturday we woke up around 11:30 and i made cristie take me home with her. we just showered and got all dressed up and shit and cristie is awesome and whipped out a lighter in front of her mom, that was some pretty funny stuff.... uhmmm around 3 or somethin we all went to the fair. uhmm met up with like a million other people including emily chelsea justine kyle jason brad joey al kirk brodie brittany the hott guy ryan, alice, rachel jeremy bob dale scott sam scott t greg kylie ashley maggie tori natalie brittney joey and i dunno i can't even think of everyone but a ton of people were there. uhmmm there was like really slutty girl named tiffany and i wanted to kick her fucking ass. omg. i got so fucking mad. uhh i made cristie go on a bunch of spinny rides with me and then we met up with DAN which was cool but cristie wouldnt go on the ride with him so we didnt. then more happened but i won't write about that. but it was a great night. megan has a butt crack the size of jamaica. shit i can't remember like anything from last night so im going to stop trying to. we spent the night at leah's.. oh yeah me and rae went on the zipper and my phone was so fuckin close to fallin out i got so scared lol...

this morning i came home early and cleaned the whole fuckin house. yeah today we're having a memorial day party with like over 60 people so yeah uhmmmm whoever wants to come. just come. later fat asses.

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May 20th, 2003

09:22 pm
well ive still done a whole lot of nothing today except complain to people about alex and i got called weird about a million times lol. took a bath. ryans being fat. uhmmmmm im watching american idol for the second time since its been on lol and ruben is seriously the cutest thing ive seen in my life and i really want him to win, haha well we'll see soon! finally, after worrying about alex's words, he called me. he sounded so sincere, it was great, hes so great. amber gave me some more shit. talked to alice and sam some more, but im hungry and i gotta go watch some more american idol and eat and this weekends gonna rock so later.

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03:59 pm - fuck it
well things have.....not been going. school sucks as usual. alex isnt talking to me.

me: do you ever think about her?
him: no not anymore
me: what about me? do i ever cross you're mind
him: all the time

wow. yeah. oh well, he's not talking to me so i fucked things up with once again another guy. and of course ryan doesnt talk to me either so yeah.

anyway, i walked home today....by myself. it sucked. i thought i was gonna do something with someone but cristie just ran off into emilys car. i felt like really stupid but then i just thought oh wel it's only one day. so i came home. then i found out they're playing with ethan. i am really jealous. no i do not like him. but a few days ago he asked me to hang out. but i don't even care, it's stupid to get mad over. im very excited about this weekend. i don't feel good. i talked to sam and alice both today. im leavin.

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May 18th, 2003

08:57 pm
The sweet girl
The sweeet girl

Which girl stereotype are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

i feel like shit. i dont know why. i guess that makes me feel a bit better...except for the annoying part.

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08:37 pm
i wrote a large entry but it all got deleted so sweet. me cristie brad and joey went to jasons today. ive been talking to alex alot.

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07:44 pm - deew::reeb
damn alot of shit has gone on the past few days uhhhh heres a quick review uhhhm sat. me cristie leah and rachel f woke up at tiffanys and i had to leave early so then i came back and then jason and brad came and got us and then we went to ryan arbours then to leahs then to the beach to get chelsea then brad and jason came back tthen chelsea left cuz rachel p was goin there so we were stranded cuz leah couldnt do anything and her moms so nice to her and so it was dark out and we were just at the front of west acres and alex and sam came by and then brad took us to my house around 10ish and alex and sam came over and theres alot more we did i just dont feel like going int o details but today i did a whole lot of fuckin nothin uhh josh called me and asked if i wanted to hang out i was pretty happy about that but i didnt i got a cool hungry howies hat which i think i mentioned.what i dont like alex. psh. i havent seen andrew all weekend either but hopefully i'll see him nex weekend. or sometime this week. peace

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May 17th, 2003

01:53 pm
ok yeah this weekend has been fuckin sweet so far. last night was so fuckin amazing omg. ...after school me cristie diana emily leah and tiffany walked to bk n then diana n emily left so we walked over to brads house. uhmmm i played with johnny bird and beat cristie up and then i sprayed silver spray paint on brads car, then istole his hungry howies hat. uhmmm afterwards we went to kroger and saw felicia and kylie and then nick masters. later on tiffanys hot brother came and got us and we came back to tiffanys and her parents are gone for the weekend so that was awesome too..anyway..then rachel farr came over and we just sat around n played and then jason and jake came over and we went on a walk then when we got back bob jeremy and alex were here....so we jus stayed at tiffs for a few hours and played then joey brad and wojtek came over and everybody left later on fuck i duno wat time it was but then jeff brought us home sumthin and leah fuckin pissed us all of lol it was really funny tho but yeah uhmmmmm jason and brad are commin over soon and rachels naked lol and tiffany has fucked up pets lol i gotta go byebye

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May 13th, 2003

09:51 pm
andrew: sorry, my computer was havin an orgasim

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09:09 pm
this is probably the dumbest entry i'll ever write but here it goes..

the past few days my journal has been really fucked up and ive been crying to everyone to get them to fix it and finally tonight....i did it. lol this sounds so incredibly stupid but i thought i was going to cry seriously, i mean besides being my journal, it was just pissing me off so much that i couldnt figure out wtf was wrong with it. i kept asking and asking everyone for help, and even for new codes but...well it didnt work. so finally i said fuck it and went to one of those stupid LJ FAQ things and fortunatly....my exact question was in their. I never understood those stupid FAQ things so i almost didnt read it but i decided to anyways. It just said to hold down shift and press refresh. I hoenstly didnt think it would work, but it did. and i was so fuckin proud of myself that i figured it out on my own. I guess this entry isnt to show you how happy i am to have fixed my journal but just to say you really don't know what you have until it's (almost) gone. And also that you won't always be able to depend on other people, because that's what im always doing, because i can't do anything right (Cristie.) I don't mean that in a mean way because i laugh about it too...but sometimes, it just gets to me because it is true.

x sweet water (8:38:16 PM): do u have a live journal code
HappyToBeHaggard (8:38:30 PM): no, but im going to masterbate soon

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May 12th, 2003

06:57 pm
sorry for these dumbass entrys im just trying to figure out this fucker

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06:53 pm
fuckin fuckin fuckin i have figured it out. im so fucking retarded. kill me now. :)

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May 11th, 2003

03:58 pm
Well Jimmy moved in with his mother
Cos he ain't go no place to go
And now i'm right back in the gutter
With a garbage bag that's full of clothes

Cause you live at home in a trailer
What the hell you gonna do (yee-hah!)
Cuz i live at home in a trailer
Mom I'm coming home to you

Well my name is Jimmy
He's name's Greg Beaule
Me an' him an' you, - we went to the same school
This ain't cool... I'm in a rage
He's tapping my mom and we're almost the same age
On the microphone i drop bombs
Look at this car... 'Thanks a lot, Mom!'
"Here and happy birthday Rabbit! Here's a brand new car, you can have it. A 1928 Delta..."
This shit won't even get me to the shelter
And I can't even stay in a motel
Cuz i'm back on the 8-mile road now

Cos i live at home in a trailer
Mom i'm coming home to you

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03:51 pm
haha well i can basically take this right out of cristies journal and put it in my own considering this is what im doing this summer....except
she didnt add cedar point
1. Flordia, im going June 18th thru the 25th. Cedar pointe June 6th.
2. California, im going July 13th thru the 21st.
3. The beach at Lake Michigan where i had the best day of summer. Im going the 21st and im sure one or two other times.
4. Take a picture to put on the Jones bottle. Me, Naid, Heather, Emily, (?) are taking a picture at our spot this summer.
5. I think i know where i am getting a job, i sure am excited. ( i think we got ourselves a job)

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03:36 pm
hey i gotta new layout thanks to anemarie and also my icon (even tho i look like a fag) haha, uhmmm yeah im also very excited for cedar point and also california hahahahaha uhmmm emily im sorry im not exactly sure about the sudden outburst...but i guess im sorry for being (rude?) mmmmm yeah, i love you very much and i dont only care about cristie and myself, im so sorry, but i hate that you think that. ehh i dont know what i did or what to say but i love you. and thats all. i was going to post some pics but i got lazy and i dont feel like hosting them. happy mothers day.

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12:18 am - your fuckin fat
today was hip to the groove. uhm cristie diana n emily came over then cristie broke my golf cart. then brad and wojtek came and got us and we went to brads and i played with his bird johnny boy, beat emily up, hahaha, and uhmm yeah we went to kroger n stuff to see if caitlins jones was there but it wasnt so we got jones somewhere else, then we went back to brads then we went to the movies then junior bob and kirk came up there to play with us so we played with them then emily got mad and left then bobs mom came and got me cristie diana bob junior kirk and i and we came back to my house and played and went in my hot tub then we got out and played and then waited for bobs mom and then al matt and tim came over and then andrew(mylove) and josh and aaron came over and then my dad is a drunk ass so he's gay and yeah then diana went home and everybody went home around 11 and now im stuck here with cristie so yeah this entry is just one big long sentence and i love andrew so i must go. peace out, my homies. ps. i hahave a large sumthin sumthin. ehhh.

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May 10th, 2003

01:16 pm
so yeah yesturday was only the bestest day ever.

well school was school. nothing much happened as usual, uhmm i got the scott seils signature uhmm grant was just his weird self and during math class he went up and stared at the overhead for about 5 mins, yeah he's really weird. well after school cristie diana emily and brittany walked up to coney and i just rode the bus home because i was suppose to be playing with ryan. well i got off the bus and looked over to joshs and andrew was over there but ryan wasnt so i got home and called him but he was in the shower so i was like screw it and i just went over to josh's. well yeah i stayed there for like 20 mins and andrew was showing me this magic thing with the hackey sack. he's so weird. uhmm after that i walked over to dianas where everyone was and since her parents we out of town we could jus play....and we jus hung out there for awhile and then heather field came over. uhmmm emily was on the computer for like 10,000 days so we decided to be mean and sneak out to see if she noticed. so we all ran out and walked around the neighbor hood. we stopped at the park where josh, andrew, chris, ryan and joey were, and remembered joeys party was that night. so me and brittany went over for a little while and gave joey hugs and played and then we continued on our walk. it was about 5:45 so diana cristie and heather f walked back to dianas to get dianas pictures so me and brittany went back to the park where the guys were. uhmmm we played there for like 1/2 hour and andrew teetor-tottered with me. then the ice cream man came and all the guys ran over to get ice cream so i decided to be a dumb ass and climb UP the slide. so yeah im bein all cool and climbin up this slide and all of a sudden i fuckin hit my head on this pole that was certainly not there when i was climbing up and i spun around and fell backwards onto the platform and fuckin blacked out. so yea i thought i had a concussion. so we went back to joeys and joey got me some headache stuff and water and he kissed my forehead aw it was so cute hahaha......so yeah then we jus hung out and then heather gordiner came and will and nick and uhmmm a lot of other people i did not know lol. so uhmmm we hung outside and in and then we went up in joeys room and played. about an hour later cristie diana emily and heather came to get us and they stayed for about 15 mins and then we had to go back to dianas because heather had to leave. so after heather left they said me and brittany could go back to joeys if we wanted. so we went over there and played on the trampoline played basketball uhmm me brittany and andrew had a grass fight. andrew and nick blew on my stomache and picked me up and threw me around lol it was fun. then we went inside and down in the basement and omg joey's sister is so adorable shes the funniest thing ever she went around kickin all the guys n stuff lol. so uhmmm we jus listened to music downstairs and played pool and then turned off the lights and uhmmm yeah...hehe. about an hour later a ton of guys came over like chad mchugh and other fags so everyone ran outside and i was stuck in the basement with gay ass ryan. lol jus kiddin, i made him listen to some wonderful country and he sung his country song about tractors and cows lol. around 10:30 we went back outside to find everyone and walked around the whole neighboor hood and then went back to joeys and they were magically there hahahahaa. uhhh yeah then diana n them called n said we had to come back so we said bye to everyone n then andrew and ryan walked us back. then we went inside and played with dianas sister and her friends and then we went to cristies around 11:30 and talked to zalinski and then josh and andrew called me at like 1 for no apparant reason uh then i went to sleep and woke up this mornin and saw something that no i do not want to talk about lol. haha anyway uhm cristie had a physical but she should be here any minute so i gotta go...uhmm oh yeah i gave aaron donaldson my number to give to junior last night and he called me like 5 times it was awesome, and hes goin to northern!!! haha. anyway. love you.

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May 7th, 2003

08:01 pm
hey mann.....god damn i've been goin n goin alllll day long and im like shakin cuz i got so much damn energy lol its so weird.soooo anyway uhmm today i went to stupid school and i was very proud of myself (yes i no this sounds retarded) but i had a fun time dressing up today i wore my brown sandles from like 5th grade (lol-course) uhmm my jean skirt my/cristies red shirt and finaly my hair up. i got a lot of compliments as well. well uhm theres never many interesting things about school, so after school emilys mom picked me and emily up and we went to the gas station and got food then we went over to dianas. we sat at dianas for about 10 mins jus talkin n stuff then we went tanning...uhhh after that dianas mom was gonna take me home cuz i had a shit load of stuff to do but we went to the gas station first and then we went to target. target was really fun, we were their for a really long time and we looked for cedar pointe clothes hahhahahaa yeah and were jus messin around and we saw this deformed little kid lol it was funny, and emily told me how much she hated little kids and i told her all my grant stories and how weird he is "GRANT!! DO SOMETHING!!!" hahah and of course i threw some old stories at her...."mom, what does...s-e-x spell.. hahah " Dis room is for mexicanas only!" lol cristie remind me to tell you those two stories. (hah i jus saw josh and andrew walking by) anyway....uhmmm thennn jackie told us the story about diana "almost dying" lol she was like peeing her pants.uhhhh then we went back to dianas, and diana went with her sister to pick up someone and then emilys mom gave me a ride home around 6. as soon as i got home i ran upstairs and cleaned my room at record speed lol not really, i dont keep records of how fast i clean my room but o well...anyway then i ran downstairs and went onlike for like 5 mins.....then i got in the hot tub for like a half hour and jus read..... then i got out, went upstairs and did my homework, then i took a nice bath and cleaned and shaved every inch of my body lol then uhm i got out and thought of all these great ideas for the guest bedroom. hahahhaha yeah im a loser, so yeah i've been going non stop since i got out of school and its tiring but i've slowed down a little. wow yeah i had a fuckin scary ass dream about alex last night, it was really bad. so yeah now im jus sittin here talkin about nothin except i dunno cristie slapped me across the face at the end of the day but she was jus jokin i know but i kinda start takin things person like when she says i cant do anything, even tho everyone says that, and i know that i can't, i guess it kinda gets old...but anyway i kinda overreacted and yelled at her and i guess she called me a bitch and she was probably kidding but she didnt say it like to me so yeah i dont know whats up, anyway, sorry cristie for being a bitch lately. me n grant now have official plans to do it on his stand up jet ski. hahaha. well uhmmm what else......on mon, i went to the zoo ( the zebras remind justine of me and cristie, haha) uhmm then yesturday i went to mt pleasnt for choir, it was really fun. ummm so yeah then afterwards cristie diana n emily came over and my mom took me driving yeah thats right driving. hahhah im jus kiddin. well uhmm igotta get money for my camera for photography, a digital camera, a closet thing and shelves, im scared to ask for money so hey im gonna go get some. haha, sorry this entry was pointless, love you.

Ple4Peace911 (7:56:36 PM): seriously i wana go to the zoo one day so bad id be cool we could get a bunch of us friends to go and have a picnic to and little animla crackers

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May 3rd, 2003

11:56 pm
welllllllllll lately things hav been pretty groovy.. uhmm on thurs. was awesome school and after school brad took me and cristie over to ryans and we played with his cats hahahha and broke everything and listened to some kick ass country lol and yeah other stuff....mmmm yesturday was gay school and when amanda picked up me cristie emily and diana from school and took us to myhouse where we jus hung out and stretched n stuff then we decided to walk to the corner store so as we were walkin to the store we saw a whole bunch of guys at the beach so on our way back we went over there and nick andrew glen ryan and josh were all over there so we stayed there for a few hours and jus played one of their freaky ass games lol then we went back to nicks until about 8 then they went to west acres and we went back to my house then we went to tylers where bob jeremy and dale were and uhmmm we went backto my house then nick ryan and josh came over then we went to joshs and then brad came over then uhmmmm we walked back to nicks and played and josh is fat and stole my french fries anywho yeah we came back to my house around 11 and did nothing and went to sleep. uhhhhmmmmm today i went to kerris and then went to dianas and made pages for the book then we walked back to my house then uhm i got my hot tub! yeah yeah! it has a big gazebo and it fits 8 people!! YEAHH! hahhaha so yeah then we went to joshs and aaron and ryan were over there and we jus played and uhmmmm heh yeah then around like 6 or sumthin i dunno we came bac to my house and there were like 20 frickin people at my house so we came over to cristies and were jus watchin a movie n stuff so i betttter go. laaatterr.shit man, i didnt josh was like so young,its so weird.

i miss anemarie.

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April 29th, 2003

08:26 pm
Foursquarehippy8 (8:25:04 PM): so whats up gorgeous

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06:50 pm
EVERYTHING FUCKING SUCKS! god damn im fucking sorry brittney i didnt know ryan still meant so much to you. and you say you like hate him so much then why do you care so much what goes on between him im fucking sorry that me and ethan weren't in love and you and ryan were jesus fucking christ. this is so fucking retarded i wont even fucking talk to him any more i fucking give up on guys. it's over. everythings just over.

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12:44 pm
well im home today just because school sucks and i havent slept in 100 days.

i read his entire journal. i felt like...out of place maybe? or just.. i dont even know. i dont know if i cried because him and brittney reminded me so much of ethan and i or if i cried because i was so jealous of what they had or if i cried because it was so depressing and i wouldnt want any one to every feel that kind of pain, ryan especially. i want what they had.

i hate alex. i hate you alex desellier. you're so full of fucking SHIT. i hate the way i try and talk to you and you sound so sincere and innocent i hate the way you lead me on back in december until i found out you had a girlfriend i hate the way we've made actual plans probably 5 times or more and you literally ditched me and didnt even call. i fucking hate you. i hate everything. i hate the way ethan finally talked to me and was being so nice until we talked about rachel and ryan and things seemed so wrong but they're so right this is what we need. i don't like you. infact, i can't stand you. i need someone to love me the way you did, but i dont want that someone to be you. i want to be happy again and right now im not so sure i am. i wish i would've just gone to fucking school so i could atleast pretend i was happy for the day and not sit here fucking crying for god knows why. i wish i was back at brad's aunts with cristie wojtek diana and him where everything seemed like a dream like this cant be happening i cant believe everythings working out. i want it to be as happy as the night ethan said he liked me again and i knew everything was going to be ok but it wasnt and how fucking crazy i went the next day. i dont want to be with you ethan i can go on with out you im just scared when i finally find someone, which, i think i might have, it wont compare to what we had. you're so good with girls, but you're so full of shit.

i dont want to be home anylonger i want to go to cristies house right now. where everyones so welcoming and i know its going to be ok. whats wrong with me? why am i suddenly so....lost.

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April 16th, 2003

07:32 pm

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April 15th, 2003

09:04 pm
today i wore my hair up. i was strangely proud of myself. but then again everyone looked amazing today. today mrs stringer talked about her tripping. HAHAHAAHAAHA.

-cleaned my whole room today, finished my picture border and started on my ceiling.

-went to mervyns, target cristies and chelseas.

- finally get my fuckin phone
- get to see the amazinggggggg ryannnnnnn arbour!!!!hehehe!
- go tanning?

Thursday- get the new trend done. pshhh. belly button pierced. (finally parents agreed that i could get it done if i didnt get anything else piereced except a few more in my ears, and no tatoos until im 18. pshh that was easy to agree to!)Spend the night at brittanys.

Friday- fuckin florida!!hell yes.

"slob on my cat- cuz you know its fat" hhahaha!

::driving down west acres, brad stops car before jay lenderman and some guy named jason::
::talked for a little while.....as brad pulls away::

Jason 2 Jay: hey isn't that the girl that had like sex with ryan arbour???

me: what the fuck?!

that. that was weird. im happy. :)

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April 14th, 2003

10:19 pm
ugh. i went to cristies today. added more to my capri sun purse. went tanning. dale cut my wrist with his nails.it hurts and i feel really light headed, im reading the torn skirt right now.im still working on my room. im getting my phone tomorrow. im in desperate need to talk to someone right now. i dont care who it is. someone talk to me, i have so much on my mind. someone please talk to me. ugh. everything sucks.i need to see you i need to see you why arent you talking to me i miss you. i dont love you. i promise i wont say i love you. i dont love you. i dont want to say it. i want to save it. ugh. that made no sense. i gotta see you soon. why is everything about you so :right:??. why do i become so attached to guys.

i hope i can get my cd's from cristie, alex, and ryan soon.

cristie- can i borrow your yellow skirt for tomorrow?::please say you got that CD to anemarie.

emily + diana- whyd you leave?

im not going to school thursday. who wants to play before i leave?

im so excited for cristie.

brad's grounded from now until always. not really.

i feel like shit. i think he gave me a wave today, and pushed his head at me. i just turned away. you make me sick.

i know this is all just a bunch of random sentences but it's everything thats just crossing my mind. cool eh? nah, didnt think so.

why did i all of a sudden get upset. nothing even happened. everything's going right, but why is this so shitty. why do i have this deep feeling he doesnt feel the same. ahhh i hate this so fuckin much. i guess when im with him, things are great. but i dont get to see him that much so usually things arent so great. i feel all shaky. i need to lay down. bye.

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